Where have I been?

First off I need to apologize not to the people who (don't) read the blog, but to myself, because all this time I could have been working out and eating healthy, and I didn't. So shame on me because I let my goals go.

I'm not going to say that there weren't reasons, there always are, but I derailed and now I'm back!! 

Needless to say, I have some catching up to do! I should weigh much less now. But the important thing is that I'm going to keep going. I realize that this is going to be a struggle even when I get down to my goal weight! So I'm just going to keep on struggling.

Some things to update you on, I quit my job. Yes I only had it for barely 2 months, but it was horrible, and one of the reasons that I got depressed and stopped working out. Overall I think it was for the best because to be honest, I was over qualified for the job, and I want a full time job, something that can support my family, and I couldn't do that on what I was making at my previous job. Money is totally a crunch right now, but things will get better, they always do. :)

I have finally started to shake off my post job quitting depression, after waiting till 12 on Thursday night to watch the Hunger Games it threw off my sleep schedule (I hardly had a good one since I quit) and I haven't been able to go to sleep before 2. So Saturday all I wanted to do was sleep, which for me is a sign that I'm getting depressed, and I knew that if I didn't want to keep feeling this way, things were going to have to change. So I told mom (Corey was out of town) that we would have a "last meal" on Saturday night, which was grilled burgers, artichoke dip and brownies and ice-cream, and Sunday we would start back eating healthy again. Which of course means I started working out again.

I didn't push myself yesterday, just drank a ton of water, to get myself rehydrated and ate smaller meals and less junk. I wrote it all down, but I'm not going to post it today, maybe I'll post later tonight with my dinner recipe. 

So... today was my first day of Turbo Fire (insert gasp here)! I had been doing the Zumba, which you would know about if you had read previous blogs. But I need something with structure. I need a plan for everyday of the week, or I won't work out. I need to know what I'm going to be doing, and just get up and do it. And Turbo Fire offers that. It is sold by Beachbody which are the same people who market the P90X and Insanity. Which, lemme tell you, I'm totally not up for yet. I went with the 20 week schedule because, while I know I can work out for half an hour and my knees aren't hurting me (those are the requirements to be able to do this workout) I don't want to take things too fast.  I can't go full tilt like the people in this video, but I totally got a workout! Thats what matters. Which I really like about this set of workouts is the stretching. I did 30 minutes of cardio/kickboxing and 10 minutes of stretching, which felt amazing. 

I borrowed this set of DVDs from a friend, so I don't have the Shakeology, which is a pre-made mix of powder and you just add water or ice or both and you make a shake and drink it. I have tired it, they have three types, chocolate (which is supposed to taste like Wendy's frosty, but I don't like Wendy's frostys so that sucks for me) and a green tea, which I have had, and it tastes weird. And they also have a strawberry which I haven't had, but I would like to try, but its just not in the budget right now for me to get any, maybe when I have a job again! 

I have done something similar to shakeology, where you are supposed to drink 2 shakes a day with some supplements and a healthy dinner, but eventually I couldn't stand the taste of the shakes, and I ended up throwing up the shake after my breakfast shake one day. That was the end of that diet. Plus, while it's good to drink this stuff, once a day I think is what they say to do, I need a diet that I can live with everyday. But mostly the idea of powered shakes makes me feel sick to my stomach. 

I think that was everything that I wanted to talk about, other than my weight, which I'll get to at the end, and something that I have been wanting to do for a while, but just haven't been able to give up. I am not catholic, but I was going to give up sweets for lint. But it seems silly, because like I said, I'm not Catholic. But starting back and doing my best to be healthy, I am going to give up sweets. I LOVE anything sweet, not so much of a chocolate fan, but anything that is sweet, I will probably love it. I need to do this for myself, because I feel like I should have dessert with every dinner, and I just need to get out of the habit of thinking this. I don't have to have something sweet everyday to be happy. I'm not giving up fruit and I'm going to stick with the stevia for my tea. But other than that, no refined sugar, no brownies, no sweet cereals, no sugar in things. I need to do this for me. But I love fruit, so its not too much of a sacrifice to eat  fruit. 

Yesterday I wanted something sweet SOOOO badly it was almost painful. I have a hard time watching food network, especially stuff like cupcake wars. Good gravy it makes me want sweet stuff. But I just ate some strawberries and tried not to think about it! I'm going to go without for a month, so I'm going to say that the end of April is the end of the sugar fast, but to be honest I think I'll keep going all during my 20 week program with Turbo Fire, because May is my birthday month and Coreys too and I always make so many excuses to eat what I want then, and I just can't do that this year. I'll find a healthy alternative to birthday cake. Something with strawberries, maybe a little pie with stevia in it, I'll have to experiment. 

Last night, I have no pictures, was amazing I made gilled chicken breasts, grilled asparagus. And I put potatoes in a little hobo pack (aluminum foil) with onions, garlic, rosemary and salt and pepper and threw those on the grill. My ode to sweet was an apple chopped up, in a hobo pack with cinnamon, stevia and a little bit of cloves that I grilled. So I did get sweet, but it wasn't brownies. It would have been amazing with the ice-cream though! Mmmm.

Lastly my weight, I'm sure you are wondering what the damage my month and a half off has been. You know I got down to right at 270, so I weighed this morning and these are the results:

Weight: 275

Hips: 52 inches

Waist: 47.5 inches

Bust: 49.5 inches

Not great, but I didn't gain all the way back up to 279, so thats a good thing. 

Despite everything I am proud of myself. Yes I feel off the bandwagon, but I'm back on and other than being tired from lack of sleep, I'm pumped up and ready to go for tomorrow!

Also I have a job interview at 3:30, so send good thoughts and prayers my way today!!