I havent been sleeping much, still trying to get body and head to want to go to bed before 12, I shoot for 11:30, but end up not being able to sleep until at least 12:10. That's late when I have to get up at 6:45. My day got all messed up because we had to have a book for my book making class complete, and because there is such a HIGH quality standard in this class, I feel like if I mess up even a little, I have to redo everything. Because trust me, my professor will point out even little things. But today I made a big mistake about halfway through the book, so I had to redo it, which made me stay longer than I would have wanted at school.
I was going to get out of class and go workout, and then eat lunch (its 2:55 and I still haven't eaten lunch yet...) but because I messed up my book, I had to stay late.
So that's pretty much all background. Messing up the book didnt make the day suck, just threw my schedule off. What did make it suck was after I worked out. I had time to workout for about 45 minutes, and it was a run day, so I ran into the gym, changed clothes and got on a tread mill. Happily, I can say that I did intervals of 2 min. running 1 walking. Which is pretty darn good. Near the end I ran for about 4 minutes straight! Huzzah!
I was walking out of the building and there is this long sidewalk you have to walk down to get to the parking lot, and as I stepped off the edge of the parking lot I fell, dunno how, call me grace, I just misstepped and all 255 pounds of me came crashing to the concrete. I wasnt hurt, didnt even skin my knees. But there were people around, and it was just incredibly embarrassing. Generally I dont give a flying fish what people think about me, but I hate to make a fool of myself. I dropped my water bottle and a nice girl picked it up for me and asked if I was fine. I said I was okay and got up, and the guy walking by asked the girl if I was okay.
I was perfectly fine, no a scratch, but as soon as I got in the car I just started sobbing in my 95 degree car. All I could think was that they must have thought "that poor fat girl cant even walk." It was just so embarrassing. I'm not saying that it wouldnt be embarrassing 100 pounds lighter, just that there would be less of me to make a spectacle of. Talk about feeling so down on myself, like total and utter shit. I dont normally feel like this, like I said, I'm a optimist (or at least I think I am) and I like to think positive. I just felt so disguising and fat and huge and icky and I just cried and cried. Finally I was able to stop enough to drive home.
I dont know how I'm feeling now, mainly hungry. This is especially annoying because I did this earlier in the year too (on my birthday no less) and really hurt my ankle that time. I dont think losing weight will make me more graceful, I just wish that this didnt keep happening to me. Talk about a waste of a good workout high.
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