Maybe I've just had a shitty day, I don't know but there are a couple of things that have been bothering me, and you (if you stick around after this WARNING) get to hear about it.
So if you haven't been keeping up with the blog here is the DL about my job status. I graduated in December, got a job in January that lasted 2 months. My boss was verbally abusive and just a bitch, and so I left because it wasn't worth the pain and stress it was causing me. I live with my mom (and my husband who is out of town a lot) so I don't have rent or a mortgage. We are able to live only off Corey's pay check because we just don't spend money. SO there you go!
Now to the fun stuff (not really), I can't find a job. I feel 100% discouraged. There are no jobs in my field, and while I'm qualified to work as a secretary, so far, no one wants to hire me. It is beyond frustrating and I feel like a total failure. My husband has no support, we don't have a place that is ours... its just awful. I'm thankful every day for my mom, but I want to get out and be married.
So it all boils down to what kind of job can I get? Should I go to graduate school? I don't even know what I want to do if I did go back. Should I just hide in academia until the economy looks better? Do I want more student loans? If I go back to school should I pick a second degree?
The answer to all these questions is: I don't know.
I don't know what I expected when I graduated, maybe a photography job would fall out of the sky into my lap... (yeah right...) but that didn't happen and now I don't know what to do, and I feel like I've thought it over so many times I've just confused myself, and I'm not any closer to deciding what I should do. When I graduated, I wanted to go to graduate school. I felt like I had so much more learning to do. But after I was out for a while I realized, "What do I do with a masters degree in photography?" I don't really like portrait photography, which is really what people like, and I don't want to go into business for myself.
I keep thinking that this is a blessing because I get a chance to focus on me, on my health and on fitness and trying to lose this weight while I have a pause in my life. But there really isn't a pause to life and I don't really know what to do... *sigh*
Now the second thing that has been stressing me out lately is this: When I came home to live with my mom after ASU, I had two cats, Reesie and Winnie. Reesie is a black cat and is as sweet as sugar. Winnie is a fluffy black and white cat and is very mean. She does not like other animals and can barely tolerate Reesie. Well Corey has one cat named Pixie and every time Winnie sees Pixie she attacks, brutally. She will even attack the door to the room Pixie stays in. We have had to separate the two sets of cats in different rooms, because they just can't get along.
Now that the puppy is here, Winnie hates him. Winnie tolerated Rosie, but would try to trap her in corners and Rosie couldn't get out. And I can't imagine what Winnie would do to Axel if he came near her. And she is so fat and big from the lack of exercise because they can't get out of the rooms all the time, and if that 20 pound cat attacked me (which she almost did tonight) it would effin hurt!
We have tried so many things to get Winnie to accept the other animals in the house. I have read countless articles about it, and nothing works. It's so frustrating. So I called Corey (who is out of town.. more about that later) and I told him that she is just going to have to be an outside cat from now on. I just can't do this. You can't leave them in a room all the time. They don't get exercise or get to be around other people and animals and I can't keep punishing Reesie and Pixie, who would be fine together given the chance, because of one mean cat. So she is going outside. She is 7 years old and I feel like this is all my fault, but I had no idea she would turn out to be so mean and she wouldn't accept other pets.
 |
| This is Reesie |
 |
| Corey and Winnie |
 |
| Winnie |
 |
| Pixie |
So the question is what do I do? I hate to put her out, but I don't feel like I have any other choice. I love her but she doesn't love anyone but me, Corey and rarely mom. Anyway, she is going to be outside. We have a covered back porch and she should be fine, lots of room to roam around and move, and maybe thats just the whole problem.
I'm just going to pray that I get a job, or that somehow I figure out what to do with my life. But really, I just feel like a failure. I'm 26 and I have graduated from college and am married, thats it!
Despite the fact that I can't get a handle on my professional life, I have decided to do some more things to spice up my weight loss. First off I have decided not to cut my hair until I drop all my weight. At the end I'll get it all chopped off and donate it. (can't wait for that already!) Secondly, I'm going to eat the exact amount of calories that the bodybugg says I should, usually I eat between 1500-1700 calories a day just because thats usually what fills me up, unless I eat out or eat something out of the norm (see yesterday's sonic blast...) But the bodybugg says I should eat 2150 calories, which is a lot more than 1500. I'm going to do it for a week and see if it makes a difference in how I feel and if I lose more weight. I'm not going to put in bad stuff to supplement my food, just more of the good stuff, make sure to eat snacks and such.
Here is the breakdown of my meals today:
Breakfast: Shakeology, 1 banana, 1 c almond milk, 1 tbsp almond butter (same old same old): 461 calories
Lunch: Ciabatta roll, 3 tbsp tomato sauce, 1 oz mozzarella cheese, 1/2 oz of pepper jack cheese, 1 cup of water mellon: 393 calories
Snack: 1 cup (cooked) oats, 1/2 cup blueberries, 1 packet of Truvia: 201 calories
Dinner: 2 meatballs 5 oz ground beef, 1 1/2 cup penne pasta, 2 pieces garlic bread, 1 oz mozzarella, small salad, 1 1/2 tbsp ranch dressing, 2 fried mushrooms, 1/2 cup tomato sauce: 1143
Post Dinner snack: 20 oz orange shaved ice: 300ish calories (this is just an estimate not really sure about this)
Total Calories: 2491 calories
Water: 5 liters
Work out: Fire 55 EZ
According to the bodybugg I burned 3530, which gives me a deficit of 1039, which should keep me on track to lose 2 pounds this week.
I did over eat at dinner, but I went out to eat with family. Tomorrow I know we are having BBQ for dinner, so I think I'm just going to go without the bun (bread) because it'll give me heart burn. Glad I haven't been eating so much during the day. If I'm going to meet my total goal of 2150 calories I will need to eat more. The funny thing is though that I'm not hungry. I meant to eat a snack between lunch and breakfast, but I was so busy worrying about jobs and graduate school that I wasn't hungry.
No comments:
Post a Comment