So I really dont feel pretty. I'm so sorry that I havent been blogging lately. I guess we all have times when life catches up to us, and it is overwhelming. Overwhelming- pretty much sums up the past few weeks. I havent regularly worked out in weeks, and I havent been eating well at all. I know for a fact that I've been a very bad girl. I dont feel pretty at all. I feel like my pants are getting tight. I feel tired and kinda depressed.
My stomach is still kinda weird, but I'm just so tired of dealing with this. It hurts sometimes, but not like it did, which makes me think that maybe it was partly stress. My cure for it is saltine crackers and tums. I dont know if it really helping all that much, but it does feel some what better.
I dont even know where to start to sum up the past few weeks, they have all been a blur and I'm just glad that they are over. Most of the time I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water when it comes to school. The thing I remember the most is that my sink backed up again. Yeah, you read that right. This time though the sewage contained poop. Needless to say it was the most disgusting thing I have ever had to clean out of a kitchen sink. I have Cloroxed it to death. The plumbers went under the house and said that some pipe line isnt hooked up down there, but that they werent the normal plumbers and that they couldnt do anything because I dont own the house. Two weeks later I'm STILL trying to get the landlords to get this damn thing fixed. I'm terrified that anything I do, like dishes, laundry, flushing the toilet or showering will cause it to back up again. If that happens I'm going to flip my lid and just go insane I think. I REFUSE to clean that shit (literally) up again.
I know now why I'm going to have to keep working out for the rest of my life. It was very apparent to me when I worked out for the first time in weeks today. My back- if I don't work out its just going to hurt forever. I think I was really close to having it mess up again. Thank goodness that I decided to get my ass in gear and workout. I am doing Turbo Fire. I dont have time to do the Zumba classes, as much as I want to. Most of the time I feel lucky if I can even do something in my own house. I know I can do the workouts for TF and when I follow the schedule I have had the most consistent results with it. I want to try to run someday, but I dont know if thats in the cards for me right now. Maybe I can work on it over the summer. It might be my goal to do a training program over the summer. I know I can do TF.
I'm not going to lie, it was hard, especially because I over slept by an hour and it put a lot of pressure on my morning to make sure that I got everything done. I havent been eating well at all lately, I have felt no motivation to cook at all. Maybe this is part of being depressed. I havent felt like this in a while. I know everyone has bouts of depression every person has different reasons. Mine usually happens in the spring, its usually school related. Its not every year or anything, but sometimes it happens. I have no motivation to do anything, all I want to do is sleep, and I dont eat right. I know a lot of it comes from just being overwhelmed. I also know that this can be managed with healthy eating, exercising and a lot of time management. Right now, I swear I could sleep all afternoon.
Speaking of sleeping all afternoon, I'll leave you with something amusing because this hasnt exactly been a super uplifting update. So I'm working on the outline/rough draft of my first year grad seminar paper and I needed another book because one of my books was shipped to my mom's house, which doesnt do me any good three hours away! I went to the library and got the book I needed and a couple more that might have something in them that I can use, and I sat down to read it, and then this girl comes up to a table with a friend, and they start chatting. So I move my stuff out of the archives to the bottom floor because there are librarians there and people arent loud downstairs. I sit down and crack open my book, and I keep getting distracted. Every time I look at my book my eyes start to get heavy and I start to get sleepy. So I moved outside into the sunshine and the stiff breeze so that maybe I wouldn't fall asleep again. And it worked!
Hang in there, kid. There's a verse in the Bible that has a line saying something about those who hope in the Lord will mount up on wings like eagles, run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. Sometimes you fly, sometimes run, sometimes walk. If you can't manage any of those, then crawl. As long as you're not sitting still you're moving forward.
ReplyDeleteIt's tough. But you can do it. I don't know anyone better than you to cowboy up and get it done.